尊敬的谢老师:
你好,最近在翻译一些公司的简介,遇到一些问题,想向你请教。
如:
1.跨域时空地域,携手共创价值。 我的翻译为:let us across space and time, create brilliancy with you!
2.“优质高效地提供令客户放心有称心的产品”是每个中商安全人对客户的承诺。 我的翻译为:
“To provide reliable and satisfactory products to customers effectively and high quality” is the promise of C&C.
不知道是否恰当,请老师帮忙翻译参考一下。谢谢
-----------Wilson
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Dear Wilson:
你列举的两个例子属于需要灵活处理的句子,如何灵活处理,不同的译者会有不同的看法,但无论如何,要考虑上下文、文章的文体、目的等问题。以下是建议:
1、let us across space and time, create brilliancy with you!
Let sb 后面通常跟动词,across 是介词,另外 us和you混用,会造成人称指代混乱,brilliancy 属于抽象名词,英语中可以接受,不过brilliance的范围更广,更常用,建议可以改为:
Let us join hands to create brilliance and to transcend the time and space!
2、“To provide reliable and satisfactory products to customers effectively and high quality” is the promise of C&C.
effectively离所修饰的动词provide太远,读起来不地道,类似的错误很容易犯,要注意避免,另外,句字出现头重脚轻的问题,主语太长,后面太短,建议可以改为:
The commitment of C & C is to provide reliable and satisfactory products for our customers in a highly efficent manner.
“优质”一次如果硬译涉及词性不好协调的问题,考虑到reliable 和satisfactory多少包含有这层含义,所以可以省略不译。
祝你一切顺利!
谢庆立
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Dear Mr.Xie,
For the first sentence, I would like to mention that I would have translated like this: let us cross space and time, create brilliancy together! If this one will be better?
Besides,thank you very much for your advises and I''m very appreciated for your kindness help! I will consider your advises carefully~! It would helps me a lot. May you enjoy your summer holiday and have a good time with your famlily~!
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Hi Wilson,
The translation "Let us cross space and time, create brilliancy together" is certainly better, except that you need to add an "and". Still, I don''t think "brilliancy" is frequently used. Another thing is "let us" doesn''t involve all the listeners while "let''s" does. So a possible version is "Let''s cross space and time and create brilliance together."
Best wishes,
Alex